Reno's Bad Day
by DarkBeerAngel
Summary: We all have one sooner or later. Rated for Renos's mouth, of course.


Disclaimer- I don't own any of the icons listed below- Reno/Rude/Elena from FF7, Barney, or Barbie. They are all trademarks of their rightful owners, Squaresoft, Mattel, and I have no idea who ownes Barney, but it ain't me!

"Hey Rude, have you ever had a day where you felt like blowing everything up, killing everything and everyone in your path," Reno asked his partner as they sat with Rude's nephew Tyler watching Barney for the tenth time in a row. "No," Rude answered, and Reno got up and went to the fridge for his fifth beer. "Well, I do," he informed him, "Starting with that purple blob." Rude asked "Why Barney," and Reno responded, "Why not? Can't you just imagine shoving a stick of dinomite up where it'll stay, and lighting the fuse? Aah, pure joy." Rude tilted his shades down and studied his friend. "No. What is it with you, were you dropped on your head as a kid?" Reno thought for a split-second, then grinned. "Yeah, how'd you know?" Rude slid his glasses back up and went back to watching his... nephew watch his favorite show.

In the kitchen, Reno was still musing over the idea of plotting Barney's death. That was, until he saw a commercial for "Beach Blast Barbie." "Ehey," He exclaimed, and Rude sighed. "What now Reno," he asked, and Reno pounced back onto the couch, beer in hand. "I'd sure have a blast with a babe like that!" Rude shook his head. "It's a chunk of plastic." Reno never skipped a beat. "Yeah, so? Most girls are these days!" Tyler shushed Reno, and he gave the kid the tounge. "Besides," Rude said, "If you wanted a doll, you could always just call Scarlet." Reno shuddered at the thought, then understood what he was saying. "No. If I ever feel like dying, I know who to call. That ain't a barbie, that's a bi..." Rude reached over and covered Reno's mouth.

Discouraged, Reno grabbed his coat and walked out onto the back porch. "It's Barney's fault man, he's poisoning your mind," Reno yelped after he closed the door. Rude walked over and stuck his head out the door. "Your the one poisoning your mind. Mabey you should stay out until you're sober enough to hold an adult conversation." With that, Rude closed and locked the door, leaving Reno standing in the rain. "Yeah buddy, that's right. Go back with the traitor. Leave me out here to die."

After searching his pockets, Reno found his cigarettes weren't in his pocket, and he kicked the door. "FUCK," he screamed, remembering setting them down in the bathroom. "Dammit," he said as he sat down on a fully soaked deck chair, then quickly back up, seeing as his ass was now soaked. He laughed, very loudly, very drunkenly, and screamed, "That's right bitch, bring it on!" Reno ripped his coat back off and threw it off the side of the porch, frusterated. He then, for reasons unknown, proceeded to pull his shoes off and throw them also, still omitting his favorite words, in very creative patterns.

After slipping on the stairs trying to walk down, he pulled his fully soaked pants off and threw them at the door. "Take that, fuckhead," he exclaimed, fully agitated. "And don't come back!" After standing there fuming in just his white button-up and green plaid boxers, Reno decided he would somehow be happier and everything would be okay once his shirt was off. He proceeded to take that off too, and threw it in the main directions of his pants. "You... You traitors! I hate you," he screamed, then started laughing again, that same homicidal laughter. "I kill you all," he screamed, then slipped on the wet grass and ended up on his back. "Oh yeah... That's right," he sarcastically drew out. "Everyone's fucking against me."

Reno lay on the mud saturated ground and watched as the rain came down on him. He was still very angry, but that went away rather quickly as he spotted his beloved cancer sticks sitting on the side railing. "Eh, hey, thas where I leff you," he slurred, before passing out.

Three hours later Tyler's mom came back from whatever she had been doing and picked him up, luckily never seeing the creepy naked guy passed out on the back lawn. Soon after, another "mother" came back to claim her "child."

"Sorry I'm late," Elena appopogized to Rude. "I had no idea it was going to take so long. I hope Reno didn't bother you too much, I know it's our only day off for a while, so..." "...!" Rude had completely forgotton Reno was there, but quiclky remembered he had been out back. The look on Elena's face as Rude opened the back door was priceless. "Oh my holy... What did I miss?" Rude shrugged and carried the very wet and naked Reno out to Elena's car, while she collected his clothes. She thought about grabbing his cigarettes, but tossed them in the garbage instead. Second thoughting it, she threw his uniform, including his shoes, into the garbage too. "How sweet it is," she sang to herself as she twirled her car keys around her finger, just anticipating the moment Reno was to wake up. 


End file.
